Mary Letter Day Eight

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul; my God, I put my trust in you; let me not be humiliated, nor let my enemies triumph over me.

Let none who look to you be put to shame; let the treacherous be disappointed in their schemes.

Show me your ways, O Lord, and teach me your paths. 

Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; in you have I trusted all the day long. 

Remember, O Lord, your compassion and love, for they are from everlasting. 

Remember not the sins of my youth and my transgressions; remember me according to your love and for the sake of your goodness, O Lord. 

Gracious and upright is the Lord; therefore he teaches sinners in his way. 

He guides the humble in doing right and teaches his way to the lowly.

All the paths of the Lord are love and faithfulness to those who keep his covenant and his testimonies. Psalm 25

Dear Aunt Elizabeth,

The last few days have been very challenging. I told you how some of the elders from temple came and gave Papa a hard time. Well, things are getting worse! Mama and I were out in our town market buying some vegetables and grain when we were approached by a group of girls I have known all my life. We thought at first by their smiles and waves it was a friendly visit. But it was not. The got between me and Mama and taunted me, calling me horrible names. Mama was busy with her purchase, but when she turned around, she was shocked to hear what was going on. The tears ran down my face, and I couldn't get a word out. Mama lit into them with a fury I had never seen before! Mama put her arms around me and told me we were going home that instant. She was so angry saying, "I taught some of those girls, and you studied the scriptures with them. How dare they!" She sent me in the door with our shopping and stormed out to talk with the girls' mothers. I told her she didn't have to do that, but she went anyway.

Oh Auntie, being faithful is so very hard. I said yes to the Lord's plan for me, but I couldn't have anticipated the negative consequences. I was devastated and threw myself down on the bed and had a good cry. Eventually, I got up and washed my face and made a meal for Mama and Papa. Around the table at supper, it was decided that I would stay in the house away from people in the daylight. I can go into our garden and feed the animals, but town is now off-limits. I feel a bit like I'm a prisoner and yet, I cannot go through that again. Nor can Mama! She was so exhausted and hurt when she returned that I was glad I had prepared the food. She sat for a long time and didn't say anything.

I'm writing by a candle in my room. Joseph arrived a while ago, and we talked for a time. Now he is in with Papa sorting things out and having a serious discussion. I know they want to protect me and they do care for me. I just feel like a small child without any say in my life. I am praying for you as I figure your time is at hand! pray for me as well.

love,

Mary

Advent Two Sunday - Mary Letter Day Seven

A shoot shall come out from the stump of Jesse, and a branch shall grow out of his roots. The spirit of the Lord shall rest on him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord. His delight shall be in the fear of the Lord. He shall not judge by what his eyes see, or decide by what his ears hear; but with righteousness he shall judge the poor, and decide with equity for the meek of the earth; he shall strike the earth with the rod of his mouth, and with the breath of his lips he shall kill the wicked. Righteousness shall be the belt around his waist, and faithfulness the belt around his loins. The wolf shall live with the lamb, the leopard shall lie down with the kid, the calf and the lion and the fatling together, and a little child shall lead them. The cow and the bear shall graze, their young shall lie down together; and the lion shall eat straw like the ox. The nursing child shall play over the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put its hand on the adder's den. They will not hurt or destroy on all my holy mountain; for the earth will be full of the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea. On that day the root of Jesse shall stand as a signal to the peoples; the nations shall inquire of him, and his dwelling shall be glorious. Isaiah 11:1-10

Dear Auntie, 

It's been hard being back home. I miss our quiet days together and miss your total and gentle support. Oh, it's not that Mama, Papa and Joseph don't support me, but they are so anxious and there is too much arguing around here. I guess since Zechariah is mute, your house is much quieter than ours, but I wish sometimes the men would be quieter here. Mama is very quiet these days as her hands are always full of work and her mind is full of worry. She is troubled because she is so faithful and she doesn't understand why the Lord would put such a great burden on such a young woman and her family. I get it and there seems to be nothing I can say to calm her mind and heart.

There have been some troubles here at home with our neighbors and temple members. Several men representing the temple were outside the other night calling me out. Papa went out and confronted them. They said I should be stoned since I was a harlot. Can you believe it? I have been so good and faithful, but they don't care. He finally made them go away but I'm sure they'll be back. Ugh. Oh, I could tell them stories of their own daughters' misbehaviors! Papa said we cannot return bad behavior with more bad behavior. I know that but really, if only they knew what their children were up to when they looked away. I'm sure they came because someone saw me now that I am showing. I'm so annoyed, doing the right thing always seems to get me in trouble!

Auntie, I dreamed again of an angel telling me that the child is good news and the Savior of the world. It made me feel better for a time. I know I'm doing the right thing, but the world hates me right now! Please pray for me.

love,

Mary

Mary Letter Day Six

Hear my plea of innocence, O Lord; give heed to my cry; listen to my prayer, which does not come from lying lips.

Let my vindication come forth from your presence; let your eyes be fixed on justice. 

Weigh my heart, summon me by night, melt me down; you will find no impurity in me. 

I give no offense with my mouth as others do; I have heeded the words of your lips. 

My footsteps hold fast to the ways of your law; in your paths my feet shall not stumble. 

I call upon you, O God, for you will answer me; incline your ear to me and hear my words. 

Show me your marvelous loving-kindness, O Savior of those who take refuge at your right hand from those who rise up against them. 

Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me under the shadow of your wings,

From the wicked who assault me, from my deadly enemies who surround me. Psalm 17:1-9

Dear Auntie,

I am safely back at home. Thank you so much for our time together. I feel like being with you has given me the confidence to go on faithfully, no matter what happens. Praying and singing with you was so wonderful and it filled me full of such hope. I only pray I can remain positive and grateful in the coming days. Thank you again for the wonderful dresses that will help cover mt expanding waistline! It was so much fun to sew with you!

The ride home was a challenge since the rain was coming down hard, making the road slippery and slow going. My cousin Jonah let out some curse words as the cart slipped side to side. He immediately apologized and asked me not to tell on him. Silly boy! He was only trying to help keep me safe.  We finally got out and walked the last mile or so since it was rough going for the mule. Because of the road, we got home much later than we wanted, and Papa was standing outside the house, looking for us with a lantern. I thought he was mad but when he threw his arms around me, I knew it was great worry and fear. 

Joseph showed up a bit after we arrived and had dinner with us. Seems that while I was away, the men were making plans for when and how we would get married. I guess I have nothing to say about it. I do appreciate how careful and concerned they are for me. After supper, Mama took me aside and showed me the wedding gown she was sewing for me. We both had a good cry, way from the men. I'm must say, I was a little overwhelmed by their concern, motivated by fear for my safety. Oh well, I will keep praying and singing the psalms daily as you taught me. More later, as I am very tired now from such a full day.

Love,

Mary

Mary Letter Day Five

Open for me the gates of righteousness; 

I will enter them; I will offer thanks to the Lord. 

"This is the gate of the Lord; 

he who is righteous may enter." 

 I will give thanks to you, for you answered me

 and have become my salvation. 

 The same stone which the builders rejected 

has become the chief cornerstone. 

 This is the Lord's doing, and it is marvelous in our eyes. 

 On this day the Lord has acted; we will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:19-24

Dear Mama,

I am doing well here with Aunt Elizabeth and Uncle Zechariah. The weather has been beautiful and relatively cool, here in the mountains. Their home is so nicely situated at the base of the hill and next to the river. I had forgotten how restful it is here. It is very odd that Uncle Zechariah cannot speak at all. I know elders grow deaf sometimes, but I never expected one would go mute. Auntie told me the story about his encounter with an angel who told him about our child, and how Zechariah doubted the angel and was made mute. He kept jumping in while she was telling the story, correcting the details with gestures and sometimes writing. They seem very happy and excited about the baby, yet privately I am concerned. They are so old!

Mama, Auntie is quite big with this child, but she continues with her chores with great gusto. She is such a delight to be around as she sings hymns all the time and stops to pray often. They read the scriptures together at the end of each meal and have me participating too. Her faith and life have really given me courage, as did my conversation with Joseph on our trip here. He told me he too had a dream and was told my "situation" was the work of the Lord! I think we both shed some tears then, when we realized we were called to be responsible for this holy child. We didn't make any decisions yet but he promised we would be married and he would care for us both. Mama, I am so grateful for him.

I know I have made your lives miserable from time to time and the child within is making things worse. If I could make it easier for you and Papa, I surely would. I will be home before long, and we can talk and pray things through. Give my love to Papa, please, and don't worry, at least, not too much.

love,

Mary

Mary Letter Day Four

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not be in want. 

 He makes me lie down in green pastures and leads me beside still waters. 

 He revives my soul and guides me along right pathways for his Name's sake. 

 Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil; 

for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 

You spread a table before me in the presence of those who trouble me; 

you have anointed my head with oil, and my cup is running over. 

Surely your goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23

Dear Auntie,

I am so excited to see you! It will be wonderful to be with another woman growing a child for the first time. And, it will be great to be away from home for a time. My parents are worried and fretting all the time about my health and my future. Even though the wise woman told them that I was very healthy, and the baby was well and strong, they still are upset when they look at me. Over these last days, I have come to realize who close the Lord is to me and to us. Fretting and fear get in the way of knowing thar. I am working hard to put fear aside and trust Yahweh completely. What else can I do, really?

The exam by the wise woman was awkward and embarrassing.  Fortunately, Mama stayed in the room with me, holding my hand and comforting me. It wasn't painful really, just so uncomfortable. The exam did make one thing very clear - I indeed had never been with a man. My parents were relieved by that news but still are anxious for my future. I am too, Elizabeth, but I have to trust the Lord. It is difficult when my own folks are trembling with anxiety. I know they love me completely. I will be glad to be away from this fear that has seemed to take over our home.

I am hoping that Joseph can accompany my cousin Jonah who is driving me in our cart to your house. We have a good deal to talk about out of the earshot of my parents. He has been very kind and has gotten over his initial anger at the situation "I put everyone in." He seems to have softened, and I hope to find out why. Well, we're off in the morning, so I will get this letter off to you.

Much love,

Mary

Mary Letter Day Three

Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger; do not punish me in your wrath.

Have pity on me, Lord, for I am weak; heal me, Lord, for my bones are racked. 

My spirit shakes with terror; how long, O Lord, how long? 

Turn, O Lord, and deliver me; save me for your mercy's sake. 

For in death no one remembers you; and who will give you thanks in the grave? 

I grow weary because of my groaning; every night I drench my bed and flood my couch with tears. 

My eyes are wasted with grief and worn away because of all my enemies. 

Depart from me, all evildoers, for the Lord has heard the sound of my weeping. 

The Lord has heard my supplication; the Lord accepts my prayer. 

All my enemies shall be confounded and quake with fear; they shall turn back and suddenly be put to shame. Psalm 6

Dear Elizabeth,

I hope you don't think I'm crazy, but I had a dream or vision last night that shocked me to the core. I don't really know how to handle it. I just have to tell you about it. I awoke to see an angel, bright with warm light, who told me the child within me is holy, planted there by the living God. I was told I am carrying the Messiah of the world! It was so real, I felt faint and began to weep. He told me not to be afraid, for I am favored of the Lord. I said I am a handmaid of the Lord and would do as I am called to do. It was extraordinarily real and overwhelming too.

I told Mama and Papa about it at breakfast, and they looked at me with deep worry and said very little. They are planning to send me to visit you in the next day or so. Mama wants me examined before I go by the wise woman who lives next door. She is kind and a good friend, not given to gossip. I think they are sending me to you to get my troubles out of the way for a bit. I know they are planning to negotiate with Joseph about putting me aside. They believed Joseph when he told them he was not responsible. Joseph was very kind despite the situation. The engagement may be off and I will be on my own! I'm scared.

Auntie, I really look forward to being with you and learning from you. You always make me feel welcomed and at home with you. Please pray for me as it is very hard these days.

Love,

Mary

Mary Letter Day Two

Happy are they who have not walked in the counsel of the wicked, nor lingered in the way of sinners, nor sat in the seats of the scornful!

 Their delight is in the law of the Lord, and they meditate on his law, day and night. 

They are like trees planted by streams of water, bearing fruit in due season, with leaves that do not wither; everything they do shall prosper. 

It is not so with the wicked; they are like chaff which the wind blows away. 

Therefore, the wicked shall not stand upright when judgment comes, nor the sinner in the council of the righteous. 

For the Lord knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked is doomed. Psalm 1

Dear Auntie,

Well, Mama started asking me many questions about my flow. She said she was concerned as it was not normal for a girl of my age to miss one or two. I finally had to tell her that it was true, no flow, and I was terrified by it. She was kind and said she would have a wise woman take a look at me. Mama looked at me funny but didn't say much more and we went on with our housework. I was hoping that would be the end of it but no!

Later on, Papa told me that we had to talk. He was finished working when he said it and was getting cleaned up for supper. Mama was quiet and I knew something was up. It was a silent supper, and I could eat next to nothing since I was such a wreck. Finally, Papa asked was it true that I had no flow and I started to cry. He got a bit angry with my tears. I couldn't stop crying. He finally screamed "what have you done?" When I could get words out, I told him nothing at all. I have not been with a man. I said,  "even if I wanted to, Jospeh only visited when you were both around." I might have yelled a little through my tears. I rushed off to my room and threw myself on the bed crying. I know it was childish, but I am so full of emotion, and I don't want them angry with me.

Later, Mama came and sat on my bed, stroking my hair. She said Papa is scared for me, that all, and they would figure things out and take care of me. Papa came in too, finally, and told me we would find a way. Auntie, I'm very scared. This is so hard and I don't know why this is happening. I'll write again soon.

Much love,

Mary