Going Out Weeping

While Peter was below in the courtyard, one of the servant-girls of the high priest came by. When she saw Peter warming himself, she stared at him and said, “You also were with Jesus, the man from Nazareth.” But he denied it, saying, “I do not know or understand what you are talking about.” And he went out into the forecourt. Then the cock crowed. And the servant-girl, on seeing him, began again to say to the bystanders, “This man is one of them.” But again he denied it. Then after a little while the bystanders again said to Peter, “Certainly you are one of them; for you are a Galilean.” But he began to curse, and he swore an oath, “I do not know this man you are talking about.” At that moment the cock crowed for the second time. Then Peter remembered that Jesus had said to him, “Before the cock crows twice, you will deny me three times.” And he broke down and wept. Mark 14:66-72 

Going Out Weeping

I had every intention of being strong 

completely supportive and upstanding

fear surrounded me and I choked

broken down against the wall and weeping.

The damned bird herald of dawn

reminds me of my broken humanity

my complete failure to change

and my inability to live up to promises made.

Once I thought myself strong and brave

noe I find myself cowering and hiding

I came out here to stand in solidarity

and crept away into my own solitary shell.

In my shame I can only pray for forgiveness 

lean on God's loving arms and believe

that the one who taught me how to love

has also forgiven my foolishness already. 

In this lightening darkness of new morning

the pain sears through me and I know

that these days will be completed in anquish

and after all the pain there will be more love.