Weeping Bitterly

Now Peter was sitting outside in the courtyard. A servant-girl came to him and said, “You also were with Jesus the Galilean.” But he denied it before all of them, saying, “I do not know what you are talking about.” When he went out to the porch, another servant-girl saw him, and she said to the bystanders, “This man was with Jesus of Nazareth.” Again he denied it with an oath, “I do not know the man.” After a little while the bystanders came up and said to Peter, “Certainly you are also one of them, for your accent betrays you.” Then he began to curse, and he swore an oath, “I do not know the man!” At that moment the cock crowed. Then Peter remembered what Jesus had said: “Before the cock crows, you will deny me three times.” And he went out and wept bitterly. Matthew 26:69-75 

 Weeping Bitterly

The clouds are hanging low

and the morning is barely breaking

cowardice and fear surround me

I have again denied the one I love.

They look at me and expect strength

they call me brave, steel and rock

a woman accused and I am subdued

I fall to the floor a wail like a child.

How can God love our humanity

our broken, selfishness and egos

our need to spare ourselves 

sacrificing love for our safety?

My savoir and friend looks at me

a heart and mind forgiving even me

knowing my weakness and my sin

love lets me begin again.

And so I will be made over, reformed

still this fragile human, lumpy clay

imbued with the promise  of forgivenness

love that knows no bounds.

 I will let the nail pierced hands mold me

into a new vessel marked with my sorrow

able to hold more than ever before

equipped to pour love into our broken world.