Mary Letter Day Ten

1 O Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger;

 do not punish me in your wrath. 

2 For your arrows have already pierced me,

 and your hand presses hard upon me. 

3 There is no health in my flesh, 

because of your indignation; 

there is no soundness in my body, 

because of my sin. 

4 For my iniquities overwhelm me;

like a heavy burden they are 

too much for me to bear. 

5 My wounds stink and fester

by reason of my foolishness. 

6 I am utterly bowed down and prostrate;

I go about in mourning all the day long.

7 My loins are filled with searing pain;

 there is no health in my body. 

8 I am utterly numb and crushed;

I wail, because of the groaning of my heart. 

9 O Lord, you know all my desires, 

and my sighing is not hidden from you. 

10 My heart is pounding, my strength has failed me,

and the brightness of my eyes is gone from me. 

11 My friends and companions 

draw back from my affliction;

my neighbors stand afar off. Psalm 38:1-11

Dear Auntie,

I seemed to have grown bigger overnight, and no movement is easy anymore. I watched as you struggled to get up from a chair, and in my ignorance, I thought it was because of your age. Please forgive me. I tried to get up from a kitchen chair and needed Papa to help me up. I am awkward in every step I take and cannot see my feet anymore! One minute I was a slender young girl and now, well now, I waddle like a duck and am round as a ball. Nothing fits anymore, including my shoes, so I am wearing Papa's sandals.

We are planning to have our small little wedding in a few days, as they want us to be legal when we have to travel to Bethlehem. I wish we could have a real celebration with friends and family, but I don't have any friends anymore and it is dangerous to bring any family here. My closest friends won't talk or even look at me and we have been threatened and harassed by so many former neighbors. Mama is making me a dress, sewing all the time, preparing clothing for the baby as well. She stays up all hours, and despite the fact that Papa tells her to go to bed, she still sits up sewing by lantern light.

Joseph has been very attentive, despite all the troubles around us. He has been having meals with us every evening and sits out in the garden with me after dark. He tells me stories of his family and his life and his hopes for our life together. I am not afraid to marry him so much as I feel like I'm not ready to be a wife, let alone a mother. Yet God has called me to this and I will do my best to be faithful. I only wish it was easier at times.

love,

Mary