Surely, Not I?

On the first day of Unleavened Bread the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Where do you want us to make the preparations for you to eat the Passover?” He said, “Go into the city to a certain man, and say to him, ‘The Teacher says, My time is near; I will keep the Passover at your house with my disciples.’” So the disciples did as Jesus had directed them, and they prepared the Passover meal.

When it was evening, he took his place with the twelve; and while they were eating, he said, “Truly I tell you, one of you will betray me.” And they became greatly distressed and began to say to him one after another, “Surely not I, Lord?” He answered, “The one who has dipped his hand into the bowl with me will betray me. The Son of Man goes as it is written of him, but woe to that one by whom the Son of Man is betrayed! It would have been better for that one not to have been born.” Judas, who betrayed him, said, “Surely not I, Rabbi?” He replied, “You have said so.” Matthew 26:17-25 

One of the hardest hurts to recover from is betrayal by a friend, particularly when it is someone you have shared hard work, years of comradery and the secrets fears and joys of one's life. It is also painful to be called a traitor when you know you are doing the right thing. The small dramas of our lives cannot compare to the big drama we call the Passion, yet our little passions and pains can give us some little tactile glimpse into the drama that was unfolding around that table.

Jesus understands that these are truly his last days and although he has been very direct with them, they refused to think anything but the best. His teachings had been very harsh and direct. Judas motivation was unclear to us but he might have been convinced he was doing the right thing. He too might have thought this would not lead to death. We cannot know, but we do know the drama and death that followed changed the world forever. We are invited today, to imagine the humanity of everyone including Judas, to be a loving presence to it is hard to love. For God so loved us first, even the betrayers.

Today, I ask God to help me let go of betrayals and hurt and to love as we are called to loved. May we all let go of the pain if the past so we can see the humanity and need around us and respond with the love of God we are called to carry to everyone, everyday.