Mary Letter Day Twenty-Four - St. Stephen's Day

Give judgment for me, O Lord, 

for I have lived with integrity; 

I have trusted in the Lord 

and have not faltered. 

Test me, O Lord, and try me; 

examine my heart and my mind. 

For your love is before my eyes; 

I have walked faithfully with you. 

I have not sat with the worthless, 

nor do I consort with the deceitful. 

I have hated the company of evildoers; 

I will not sit down with the wicked. 

I will wash my hands in innocence, O Lord,

that I may go in procession round your altar,

Singing aloud a song of thanksgiving 

and recounting all your wonderful deeds. 

Lord, I love the house in which you dwell 

and the place where your glory abides. 

Do not sweep me away with sinners, 

nor my life with those who thirst for blood, 

Whose hands are full of evil plots, 

and their right hand full of bribes. 

As for me, I will live with integrity;

redeem me, O Lord, and have pity on me. 

My foot stands on level ground; 

in the full assembly I will bless the Lord. Psalm 28

Dearest Papa and Mama,

I am so sorry, but the baby couldn't wait! He arrived early yesterday, and we couldn't be happier. I was so sad we couldn't make it home for his birth, but Jospeh reminded me that, above all else, you would want me and the baby to be healthy. We are! I admit I was so scared and the pain overwhelmed me at times, but the wise women were here and helped me through it all. Our hostess, Rebecca, set aside all her chores to sit with me and wipe my brow. Her husband, Isaac, took Joseph into the inn for tea and refreshments, away from the fray. He was so worried about me. When the baby was born, letting out a big cry, Joseph came running! I am very sore, but so very happy. I can't help but stare at his beautiful face, his tiny little fingers and toes! He is a hearty eater, and falls to sleep once he is fed. He is sleeping right now, so I am able to write to you.

We never really found a real room, although Rueben had promised. Instead, these kind people set us up in their stable, outfitting a horse stall with clean straw, sheets and blankets. They are gentiles, Papa, but seem more faithful and kinder than our people. They have not judged us, just offered their help. They have five children who are ready to help and love to come and hang around the baby. They are so gentle and well behaved. They work hard around the house and stables but find time to sing and dance to entertain us. Mama and Papa, this city is so noisy and so overcrowded. There are also soldiers everywhere, watching everyone. I have been told by several of the women, that the soldiers try to take their daughters and harass innocent people. It is hard to feel safe here. Joseph is still waiting for an opening at the tax office, so we don't know when we will head back home. I miss you both terribly and cannot wait to bring this little boy to you. Pray for us, please!

love,

Mary

Mary Letter Day Twenty Three - Christmas Day

Christmas Day - Maty Letter Day Twenty-Four

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.) And all went to be taxed, everyone into his own city. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:) To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn. And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us. And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger. And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child. And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart. Luke 2:1-19

Dear Auntie,

I am writing to you, very early in the morning or maybe just very late at night. After a long ordeal, we have a perfect little baby boy! He is so sweet and perfect! I was so scared and upset when the pains began. I was sure I wasn't brave or strong enough. It was as if my whole body was throbbing in pain. Even though, at first the pains came intermittently, when it got going, the pain was excruciating! I cried and screamed and yelled for Mama a couple of times. The wise women and Rebecca were so kind, patient and helpful. They taught me how to breathe, and when to and when not bear down. The pain me a great bit stupid, and so they repeated everything, over and over, almost as a prayer.  Once Joseph arrived, he kissed me, holding me and telling me how beautiful and strong I am. I think someone coached him! Isaac had been hanging around, pretending to mind the animals! He took Joseph into the inn when things got really intense and fed him tea and cakes. Tea and cakes while I was birthing a child! Ah, well, this whole process is so scary for me, it must be scary for him as well. When the baby cried, right after birth, Joseph came running, followed by Isaac and all the children. The women got me clean up, Joseph held the sweet boy and after a while we had a delicious feast in the stable! They made it almost regal and fancy for us!

I've nursed and changed him several times now. I can't tell you how blessed I feel. It's strange that all the pain seems so long ago as I look at this little miracle, sound asleep. Elizabeth, the strangest thing happened in the middle of the night. We heard noise outside and Isaac's dog started barking loudly. Joseph got up, (he's so protective), and found several shepherds, with their flocks outside the barn. They told us that an angel visited them and told them to come and see the baby who is the Savior of the world. Then a whole chorus of angels sang to them, exciting them and scaring them. They came running here. They were so kind and respectful, bringing us gifts of wool, milk and cakes for us to eat. It was remarkable and I could barely take it all in! I will write to Mama and Papa, when I wake in the morning, but wanted you to hear immediately. I am overwhelmed, overjoyed and exhausted! 

Much love,

Mary

Mary Letter Day Twenty-Two - Christmas Eve

Mary Letter Day Twenty-Two - Christmas Eve

For I am persuaded that your love is established for ever; 

you have set your faithfulness firmly in the heavens. 

"I have made a covenant with my chosen one; 

I have sworn an oath to David my servant: 

'I will establish your line for ever, 

and preserve your throne for all generations.'" 

The heavens bear witness to your wonders, O Lord, 

and to your faithfulness in the assembly of the holy ones; 

For who in the skies can be compared to the Lord? 

who is like the Lord among the gods? 

God is much to be feared in the council of the holy ones, 

great and terrible to all those round about him. 

Who is like you, Lord God of hosts? 

O mighty Lord, your faithfulness is all around you. 

You rule the raging of the sea 

and still the surging of its waves. 

You have crushed Rahab of the deep with a deadly wound; 

you have scattered your enemies with your mighty arm. 

Yours are the heavens; the earth also is yours; 

you laid the foundations of the world and all that is in it. Psalm 89:2-11

Dear Auntie Elizabeth,

This letter will need be short for the circumstances are troubling. Joseph has gone with all his paperwork in hand, hoping that he can be registered and we can get home. The last few days he has gone, faithfully waited in line all day, only to be turned away. He returns sullen and worried about me. I have been kept company but our hostess, her children. Rebecca and her husband Isaac are considered Gentiles and outcast. They happen to be the kindest, most generous people I know! Isn't it amazing how the most religious folks can be the least generous and lack all compassion? Any way, they have taken good care of me and I haven't been alone these past few days.

The situation is troubling, for I believe the labor has begun! After Joseph left, I was reading after a visit from Rebecca, when my water broke and the pains began. They are slight right now but I am so scared! I didn't want this to happen here! In my fear and pain, I cried out for my Mama but she is not here, of course. Instead, Rebecca came running and told her daughter to go get the wise women and her son to go find Joseph. She is now here with water and supplies, comforting me and coaching me through everything. I am so scared, Auntie, and feel so far from home. Yet there is nothing I can do but go through this! Please, Auntie, pray for me with all the goodness and love you have. I've already cried and screamed, yet I want to be strong. Oh, Lord God, help me!

love,

Mary

Mary Letter Day Twenty One

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul; my God, I put my trust in you; 

let me not be humiliated, nor let my enemies triumph over me. 

Let none who look to you 

be put to shame; 

let the treacherous be disappointed 

in their schemes. 

Show me your ways, O Lord, 

and teach me your paths.

Lead me in your truth and teach me, 

for you are the God of my salvation; 

in you have I trusted all the day long. 

Remember, O Lord, your compassion and love, 

for they are from everlasting. 

Remember not the sins of my youth and my transgressions; 

remember me according to your love and for the sake of your goodness, O Lord. 

Gracious and upright is the Lord; 

therefore he teaches sinners in his way.

He guides the humble in doing right 

and teaches his way to the lowly. 

All the paths of the Lord are love and faithfulness 

to those who keep his covenant and his testimonies. Psalm 25:1-9

Dearest Elizabeth,

We have arrived in Bethlehem and are finally settled. Oh, dear cousin, none of this is like I had hoped and expected. The city is so crowded, it is if the whole world is gathered here. It is so loud and reeks of soiled bodies and rotting food. We made our way through the narrow streets, slowly for the crowds, and finally found Rueben, who had promised to help us find lodging. His little inn was overfilled with his own family and friends, although he had promised to house us. We walked the narrow streets, following him, here and there. Everyone refused us. Some were wide-eyed at my large belly and refused us because I was with child. Rueben finally took us to his friend, who is a gentile and an outcast, who has a small inn. He too, was overfilled but in his kindness, he offered their barn, free of charge. I was horrified but so exhausted, we begrudgingly accepted his offer. He sat us down and fed us tea and cakes while his children cleaned the barn, bringing sheets and blankets, making a nice bed for us in the straw.

I immediately fell down and slept!

Oh, Auntie, this has been such a challenging journey! I am sore and exhausted and near tears all the time. Joseph is out now, trying to find where he registers so we can get home soon. I miss Mama and Papa so much. I have been sobbing, missing them and feeling like an abandoned child. I know I am not, but this is too much for me. Joseph has been so patient and kind. When I get teary and afraid, he comforts me and stops on the road so I can rest. I am so fortunate and yet the tears pour out and my heart is afraid. Pray for me, cousin so I have hope and joy despite the circumstances. Please get word to my folks that we are safe in Bethlehem.

love,

Mary

Mary Letter Day Twenty

For God alone my soul

 in silence waits; 

from him comes my salvation. 

He alone is my rock and my salvation, 

my stronghold, so that I shall not be greatly shaken. 

How long will you assail me to crush me, all of you together, 

as if you were a leaning fence, 

a toppling wall? 

They seek only to bring me down from my place of honor; 

lies are their chief delight. 

They bless with their lips, 

but in their hearts they curse. 

For God alone my soul in silence waits; truly, my hope is in him. 

He alone is my rock and my salvation, 

my stronghold, so that I shall not be shaken. 

In God is my safety and my honor; 

God is my strong rock and my refuge. 

Put your trust in him always, O people, 

pour out your hearts before him, for God is our refuge. 

Those of high degree are but a fleeting breath, 

even those of low estate cannot be trusted. 

On the scales they are lighter than a breath, 

all of them together. 

Put no trust in extortion; in robbery take no empty pride; 

though wealth increase, set not your heart upon it. 

God has spoken once, twice have I heard it, 

that power belongs to God. 

Steadfast love is yours, O Lord,

for you repay everyone according to his deeds. Psalm 62

Dear Auntie Elizabeth,

It is early morning, and the road is already crowded. We will reach Bethlehem very soon. The noise of the people and animals, along with the reeking smells has made me quite ill to my stomach. Mama said that was normal, but I didn't think it lasted this long. Along with feeling sick, I'm getting pretty angry with the occupying army. They stop us often, ask where we are going and sometimes even inspect and touch us. So gross! I know I have to cooperate, and Joseph encourages me to say nothing, but I want to scream! How can God's people and this sacred land be treated so disrespectfully. I have been praying for a peaceful heart and speaking and singing our psalms, but my anger and frustration are still there. 

We are about to leave our relatives' home. They had arranged lodgings with another relative, but the word came that they were full up. We will stop and see them in Bethlehem as they promised to help us find lodging, once we arrive. Joseph and I are both pretty anxious about losing the comfortable housing we had arranged. Everyone here says not to worry, we will find a place. I wish I was that confident, but this is our first trip as husband and wife and everything on this trip has been a disaster. I know that the Lord is with us, but I do feel quite overwhelmed and afraid despite it all. I breathe and pray as you taught me and that provides some comfort, especially when I am riding on the donkey and the road is bumpy and full of rocks! Please get word to Mama that we are fine, and please don't share the worrying details. I write when we settle in Bethlehem.

love,

Mary

Mary Letter Day Nineteen - Advent Four

Hear, O Shepherd of Israel, leading Joseph like a flock; 

shine forth, you that are enthroned upon the cherubim. 

In the presence of Ephraim, Benjamin, and Manasseh, 

stir up your strength and come to help us. 

Restore us, O God of hosts; 

show the light of your countenance, and we shall be saved. 

O Lord God of hosts, 

how long will you be angered despite the prayers of your people? 

You have fed them with the bread of tears; 

 you have given them bowls of tears to drink. 

You have made us the derision of our neighbors, 

and our enemies laugh us to scorn. 

Restore us, O God of hosts; 

show the light of your countenance, and we shall be saved. 

Let your hand be upon the man of your right hand, 

the son of man you have made so strong for yourself. 

And so will we never turn away from you; 

give us life, that we may call upon your Name. 

Restore us, O Lord God of hosts; 

show the light of your countenance, 

and we shall be saved. Psalm 80:1-7, 16-18

Dear Auntie Elizabeth,

Our progress is slow and more complicated than we thought. We left Daniel and Esther with great hope and expectations to cover some distance. Unfortunately, I walk quite slow and the road is crowded, even in the evenings. I have to stop often to relieve myself and rest. I have ridden on the donkey some of the time, with less discomfort, but it is still very awkward. We have encountered so many people on the road! At one resting stop, we had moved off the road quite a way, just to enjoy some quiet and privacy. We came upon a beautiful little shepherdess, watching a large flock of sheep. She told us she and her mother often care for the sheep during part of the day, while her brothers and fathers are out with the flock at night. She invited us to sit with her and tell her about ourselves. Her name was Elizabeth, and she was a lovely hostess. She told us funny stories about her brothers and the tricks they play on their parents! It was the best encounter we have had.

We were supposed to stay with another cousin, but they were overcrowded with similar travelers. Well, none of them was with child, but there was just no room. We traveled on to a small, quiet spot and set up for the night. Joseph built us a fire so we could stay warm and held me close until I fell asleep. I dreamed of my baby, dancing and singing, out in the fields with a flock of sheep! I have had some pains, of late, and am worried that the child is ready to be born. I wish you and Mama were nearby! Sometimes, I can't help the tears, Auntie. This is so overwhelming and nothing, absolutely nothing is going as planned! Pray that I can remain calm, and we can make it to Bethlehem and back. Please, please don't tell Mama and Papa about all the challenges we have had. I do not want to worry and upset them.

love,

Mary

Mary Letter Day Eighteen

The word of the Lord came to Zechariah, saying: Thus says the Lord of hosts: Render true judgements, show kindness and mercy to one another; do not oppress the widow, the orphan, the alien, or the poor; and do not devise evil in your hearts against one another. But they refused to listen, and turned a stubborn shoulder, and stopped their ears in order not to hear. They made their hearts adamant in order not to hear the law and the words that the Lord of hosts had sent by his spirit through the former prophets. Therefore great wrath came from the Lord of hosts. Just as, when I called, they would not hear, so, when they called, I would not hear, says the Lord of hosts, and I scattered them with a whirlwind among all the nations that they had not known. Thus the land they left was desolate, so that no one went to and fro, and a pleasant land was made desolate. Zechariah 7:8-14

Dear Auntie,

We traveled overnight for several hours, but I was so tired we had to find a different place to stay other than with the relatives we had planned. I had been riding for a time on the donkey, and it was immediately uncomfortable and eventually, painful. Joseph helped me down and decided quickly that we should just stop and rest. We laid down our blankets, off the road in a small cave. It was small and the night so warm and clear, we just tucked ourselves in with our heads sticking out. Joseph fed and watered the donkey, and we gazed at the stars until we fell asleep. When we woke up with the first light, we could not believe how crowded and noisy the road was. When the initial rush passed us and we had our breakfast, we continued on to the house of Daniel and Esther. We are not too far from Bethlehem here.

Daniel and Esther are really old, and I hate imposing on them at all. Their little house is so snug that we decided to rest out in the air until we can get on the road again. They are very sweet and very curious, too. They pelted us with questions about distant family when we arrived. We couldn't answer but a few of their questions. Esther is an extraordinary cook! She made us a wonderful supper and then packed up more supplies for our journey. She makes wonderful, dried fruit leathers and we have been nibbling on them all day. She patted my tummy, while we were packing, and told me I needed to snack regularly to keep up my strength and his. How did she know it was a boy? We've been careful to keep our story to ourselves. After all we have been through, secrecy is the best policy. I'm hoping we will reach Bethlehem soon. This body is not cut out for long journeys right now!

love,

Mary

Mary Letter Day Seventeen

Happy are they whose transgressions are forgiven, 

and whose sin is put away! 

Happy are they to whom the Lord imputes no guilt, 

and in whose spirit there is no guile! 

While I held my tongue, my bones withered away, 

because of my groaning all day long. 

For your hand was heavy upon me day and night; 

my moisture was dried up as in the heat of summer. 

Then I acknowledged my sin to you, 

and did not conceal my guilt. 

I said, "I will confess 

my transgressions to the Lord." 

Then you forgave me the guilt of my sin. 

Therefore all the faithful will make

their prayers to you in time of trouble; 

when the great waters overflow, 

they shall not reach them. 

You are my hiding-place; 

you preserve me from trouble;

you surround me with shouts of deliverance. 

"I will instruct you and teach you 

in the way that you should go; 

I will guide you with my eye. 

Do not be like horse or mule, which have no understanding;

who must be fitted with bit and bridle, 

or else they will not stay near you." 

Great are the tribulations of the wicked; 

but mercy embraces those who trust in the Lord. 

Be glad, you righteous, and rejoice in the Lord; 

shout for joy, all who are true of heart. Psalm 32

Dear Elizabeth,

I cannot write to Mama and Papa until we get to Bethlehem. I cannot frighten her and have her too full of worry. She was so worried when I was at home! I feel horrible for all the pain this has caused. And it's impossible to tell people that this is the Lord's doing. They all take one look at me and laugh. We will be leaving Rachel's house tonight under cover of darkness. We will have our supplies and the donkey to carry our burdens, whether it's provisions or me. I was talking to Rachel this morning while the men were outside packing and she remarked that I seemed pretty fearless. I burst out into tears! I am terrified! I blurted that out along with all of my fears. There are so many, Auntie. What if the baby comes while we are traveling? Joseph could not handle that.

Rachel was so kind and held me until the worst had passed. She then said, she thought Joseph could handle whatever happened. After a time when the men had come back in, she took Joseph aside and taught him what to do if the baby was to be born away from home. He was so red when he came to me after that conversation! I had to laugh. He reassured me that he was able to take care of me whatever happens. Then he laughed and said, "I pray to God I don't have to!" We laughed until we cried. This is so hard, journeying through all the mysteries ahead. I said yes to the Lord, but I didn't ever imagine how hard this would be. Pray I am strong enough to see this through.

love,

Mary

Mary Letter Day Sixteen

Remember your word to your servant, 

because you have given me hope. 

This is my comfort in my trouble, 

that your promise gives me life. 

The proud have derided me cruelly, 

but I have not turned from your law. 

When I remember 

your judgments of old, 

O Lord, I take great comfort. 

I am filled with a burning rage, 

because of the wicked 

who forsake your law. 

Your statutes have been 

like songs to me 

wherever I have lived as a stranger. 

I remember your Name in the night,

 O Lord, and dwell upon your law. 

This is how it has been with me, 

because I have kept your commandments. Psalm 119:49-56

Dear Auntie,

We are on our way, but not without some terrible challenges. I guess I expected that the cover of darkness would allow us free passage, yet it did not. We were on the outskirts of our village, walking as fast as we could to Cousin Rachel's home, when we heard shouts and were pelted with rocks! We ran as fast as we could and hid ourselves in a group of low bushes. They came looking for us but could not find us, although I thought they would hear us, since I was breathing so heavily. We waited a long time until they were long gone. It was my "friend" Sarah's brother and his pals. Really nice guys once. Now they think they have a right to torture us without a trial or anything. We have become the enemy of the people! We slowly crept out of the bushes and limped our way to Rachel's. 

When we got to Rachel's house, she screamed when she opened the door. We did not realize we were covered in bloody scratches and deep cuts and bruises from the barrage of rocks. She calmed and immediately went to work on us, putting us on low beds and cleaning up all of our wounds. Rachel is a wise woman, so she was especially worried about me and the baby. Fortunately, she didn't do a full exam in front of Joseph, but she listened to my belly and felt for broken ribs and the like. Once she decided we were both okay, she had us sit up and have some soup and tea. We went to bed soon after, so exhausted, I had almost fallen asleep in my soup. This morning, after seeing our bruised and battered faces, she has insisted that we stay another night. She is very worried about us and prayed over us. Later, she sang psalms with us, and we recited more prayers together. I feel comfortable in her presence, yet we have such a long road ahead of us. Please pray we get underway and make up some time!

love,

Mary

Mary Letter Day Fifteen

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul; my God,

 I put my trust in you; 

let me not be humiliated, 

nor let my enemies triumph over me. 

Let none who look to you be put to shame; 

let the treacherous be disappointed in their schemes. 

Show me your ways, O Lord, and teach me your paths. 

Lead me in your truth and teach me,

for you are the God of my salvation; 

in you have I trusted all the day long. 

Remember, O Lord, your compassion and love, 

for they are from everlasting. 

Remember not the sins of my youth 

and my transgressions; 

remember me according to your love 

and for the sake of your goodness, O Lord. 

Gracious and upright is the Lord; 

therefore he teaches sinners in his way. 

He guides the humble in doing right 

and teaches his way to the lowly.

All the paths of the Lord are love and faithfulness 

to those who keep his covenant and his testimonies. Psalm 25:1-9

Dearest Elizabeth,

We have been preparing all day and finally we seem to be ready for our trip to Bethlehem. A friend of Joseph came just a few minutes ago and packed up all our provisions. He will carry them on to his home where we will meet up with him, our supplies and the donkey. And we begin our walk tonight or tomorrow night. Auntie, I am both excited and scared! I have never traveled anywhere without Mama and Papa, let alone with my new husband! One minute I know it will be fine and the next minute I am thinking of all the things that can go wrong. I am a muddle of feelings. I wish you were here right now to comfort and guide me. Mama loves me so much, but she can't hold back the tears in her worries. I try to comfort her, but she knows how dangerous this will be for us. It's all too much!

Papa and Joseph have plotted out our trip quite well and are sure everything will be fine. We have places to rest and stay along the route with family and friends. They have contacted everyone and let them know our situation. They are most afraid of when we leave together. They fear that our neighbors will try to hurt us, especially me. They believe me to be the worst kind of sinner and Joseph too! I still wonder how faithful people can carry so much hate. Following the Lord means humility and not judging. We seemed to be surrounded by religious arrogance and judgement. Please pray for us as perfect plans are destined to go awry. 

Love,

Mary

Mary Letter Day Fourteen

Happy are they who consider

 the poor and needy!  

the Lord will deliver them in the time of trouble. 

The Lord preserves them and keeps them alive, 

so that they may be happy in the land; 

he does not hand them over 

to the will of their enemies. 

The Lord sustains them on their sickbed 

and ministers to them in their illness. 

I said, "Lord, be merciful to me; 

heal me, for I have sinned against you." 

My enemies are saying wicked things about me: 

"When will he die, and his name perish?" 

Even if they come to see me,

they speak empty words; 

their heart collects false rumors; 

they go outside and spread them. 

All my enemies whisper together about me 

and devise evil against me. 

"A deadly thing," they say, "has fastened on him; 

he has taken to his bed and will never get up again." 

Even my best friend, whom I trusted, who broke bread with me ,

has lifted up his heel and turned against me. 

But you, O Lord, be merciful to me and raise me up, 

and I shall repay them. 

By this I know you are pleased with me, 

that my enemy does not triumph over me. 

In my integrity you hold me fast,

and shall set me before your face forever. 

Blessed be the Lord God of Israel, 

from age to age. Amen. Amen. Psalm 41

Dear Auntie,

I had a surprise visit from a girl I have known all my life. Her name is Sarah, and I have known her forever. She found me out in the garden, picking some vegetables and feeding the animals. It gives me great pleasure to be outside, doing chores, and enjoying the breeze on my face. Sarah showed up and was very sweet at first. She came in and Mama gave her tea and a snack. As time went on, though, we realized she was pumping me for information. Somehow, she knew we were going to Bethlehem! I guess lots of people are on the move with this ridiculous taxation. Mama and I looked at each other and knew she was spying for her brothers and father. We told her Joseph was going by himself and I would wait here for his return. Then she asked about whether I was getting married and if the child was Joseph's. I wasn't sure whether I was going to cry or scream at that moment. Fortunately, Mama wrapped up a nice fresh loaf of bread and handed it to Sarah, telling her the men would be home soon and we had to get busy preparing food. She grabbed the bread from Mama and stormed out the door. A friend has now become an enemy!

We are now making arrangement for the donkey to be picked up in another village. We will walk, late at night, to the village where the donkey will be stabled with Joseph's cousin. Fortunately, Joseph has quite a few family members spread out along our way. He has been very thoughtful and is always assuring me that we will be safe and secure. He has promised to bring me back safely so the baby can be born here, with Mama nearby. She has been such a rock, despite all of the backlash and criticism. Pray for us as the time to travel draws near.

love,

Mary

Mary Letter Day Thirteen - Advent Three

My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord, 

my spirit rejoices in God my Savior; 

for he has looked with favor on his lowly servant. 

From this day all generations will call me blessed: 

the Almighty has done great things for me, and holy is his Name. 

He has mercy on those who fear him 

in every generation. 

He has shown the strength of his arm,

he has scattered the proud in their conceit. 

He has cast down the mighty from their thrones,

and has lifted up the lowly. 

He has filled the hungry with good things, 

and the rich he has sent away empty. 

He has come to the help of his servant Israel, 

for he has remembered his promise of mercy, 

The promise he made to our fathers, 

to Abraham and his children forever. Luke 1:46-55

Dear Elizabeth,

There is so much to tell you I am bursting at the seams. We got married yesterday!! Of course, it wasn't the way I dreamed it would be when I was small, but it was really perfect! Papa's cousin Elijah arrived late two nights ago, and we were married yesterday! The dress that Mama had made for me was gorgeous! I felt so beautiful despite my size and Joseph had on his best robe which only made him more handsome. Elijah's wife, Miriam and another cousin, Jeremiah had come along with Rabbi Elijah, so we had a full house and a great deal of merriment despite the otherwise circumstances. We even danced in the garden after the sun had set. When everyone was tired and ready to sleep, the family locked Joseph in the room with me, laughing and cheering. Joseph is so careful and private. He sat on the bed beside me, stroking my brow and told me stories until I fell asleep. I found him asleep on a mat beside the bed when I awoke. He's so afraid of hurting the baby or me! 

The preparations for our trip to Bethlehem are now fiercely underway. I suspect we will leave in the next day or two. Elijah and Jeremiah have helped with the travel plans. They know some places we can stay safely on the road. We will have to travel at night since our village is mostly against us. The men are working on securing and donkey for our travel, so I don't have to walk the whole way. Despite me saying I am quite strong enough to walk, they overruled me! Mama took me aside and said the donkey would carry food and water for us as well, so neither of us was overburdened. That makes some sense. I still believe that they all think I weak and incapable. Harumph!

During the ceremony, while we were saying our vows, the baby started kicking up a storm, as if he was clapping and dancing for us. I truly do believe that the Lord is with us. This little one is a sign of the living holy presence. I only hope I can be faithful and honorable as we go forward. Pray for me, please!

Much love,

Mary 

Mary Letter Day Twelve

In you, O Lord, have I taken refuge;

let me never be put to shame; 

deliver me in your righteousness. 

Incline your ear to me; make haste to deliver me. 

Be my strong rock, a castle to keep me safe,

for you are my crag and my stronghold; 

for the sake of your Name, lead me and guide me. 

Take me out of the net that they have secretly set for me, 

for you are my tower of strength. 

Into your hands I commend my spirit,  

for you have redeemed me, O Lord, O God of truth. 

I hate those who cling to worthless idols, 

and I put my trust in the Lord. 

I will rejoice and be glad because of your mercy; 

for you have seen my affliction; you know my distress. 

You have not shut me up in the power of the enemy;  

you have set my feet in an open place. Psalm 31:1-8

Dear Auntie Elizabeth,

I realized today that becoming a mother is very humbling! It's not just that everyone in our community has been so unkind, but it is very public, and folks can't help but wag their tongues. On top of that, I had a visit from the wise women, who are friends of Mamas from a neighboring village. This was a full-on examination! I really wasn't ready for all their advice and how thoroughly the checked me out. I was red as a beet before they were done with me and embarrassed into silence. Being a woman is so very hard. Mama stayed in the room with me the whole time, which was very kind. Papa and Joseph made themselves scarce as soon as they arrived!

Their verdict is that I am due sooner than I thought, and if we were to travel to Bethlehem, we ought to get on it. They said babies wait for no one's schedule and they have their own time! I was so overwhelmed, I cried after they finally left. When Papa and Joseph returned, we had to explain to them the timeline, despite their discomfort and change the plans for travel. That also means the wedding will happen as soon as we can get the Rabbi here. Yikes! I am so overwhelmed!  I sat outside after they left and pondered the stars although it gave me no comfort. I feel like I'm surrounded and trapped. And I do trust the Lord but have to question his choices and his timing. Oh Auntie, I hope I am strong enough to handle all of this!

much love,

Mary                                                                                                                                                     

Mary Letter Day Eleven

Do not fret yourself because of evildoers; do not be jealous of those who do wrong. 

For they shall soon wither like the grass, and like the green grass fade away. 

Put your trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and feed on its riches. 

Take delight in the Lord, and he shall give you your heart's desire. 

Commit your way to the Lord and put your trust in him, and he will bring it to pass.

He will make your righteousness as clear as the light and your just dealing as the noonday. 

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him. 

Do not fret yourself over the one who prospers, the one who succeeds in evil schemes.

Refrain from anger, leave rage alone; do not fret yourself; it leads only to evil. 

For evildoers shall be cut off, but those who wait upon the Lord shall possess the land. 

In a little while the wicked shall be no more; you shall search out their place, but they will not be there. 

But the lowly shall possess the land; they will delight in abundance of peace. Psalm 37:1-12

Dear Elizabeth,

Thank you for your letter and your good news! I am sorry I couldn't be with you for the celebration of your child, John. I am so looking forward to seeing you three, but it doesn't seem like a good idea for me to travel to you. Papa and Joseph have been working to keep me safe and make sure this child is born healthy. Mama was harassed at the market yesterday and Papa is angry with our friends' and neighbors' behavior. They said horrible things to her, one refused to sell her good she needed, and she came home in tears. So, we have been hunkered down, all together here at home. The men have agreed to do the shopping for Mama. I was so surprised! I am also grateful since it breaks my heart to see her so upset.

The baby is moving quite a bit these days. Auntie, I remember when little baby John kicked my hand when it was on your tummy, now here I am with a hearty kicker too. Joseph likes to feel the baby kick, although he gets embarrassed touching my belly. Joseph has been so gentle and kind and is planning to move in with us once we are married. I think that will happen next week. We have to be married in secret, so we will miss a boisterous celebration. I will be happy to have him nearby. He's so good at helping me be calm. He reads to me some nights by candlelight. Sometimes he reads from the Torah and sometimes he reads or sings the Psalms of David. I am so grateful and a bit afraid of being married. Joseph is not the problem, it's me. I am overwhelmed by carrying this child, so getting married seems like so much more. I don't know how to be a wife! Pray for us as we do you.

love,

Mary

Mary Letter Day Ten

My soul cleaves to the dust; give me life according to your word. 

I have confessed my ways, and you answered me;

 instruct me in your statutes.

Make me understand the way of your commandments, 

that I may meditate on your marvelous works. 

My soul melts away for sorrow; 

strengthen me according to your word. 

Take from me the way of lying;

let me find grace through your law. 

I have chosen the way of faithfulness; 

I have set your judgments before me. 

I hold fast to your decrees; 

O Lord, let me not be put to shame. 

I will run the way of your commandments,

for you have set my heart at liberty. Psalm 119:25-32

Dear Auntie,

I cannot seem to stop crying these days. Mama says it's that way for a mother-to-be but I am not normally so overwhelmed and teary. I guess these aren't normal days in so many ways. I have tried to be so faithful and patient with the Lord, but it seems as if we are being overwhelmed with adversity and cruelty. A few nights ago, someone threw a rock through our front window, with horrible written accusations attached to the rock. Papa had been letting me be out with the animals in the garden during the day, but now I'm only allowed out there in the dark, with "supervision"! I feel like a prisoner, and I have done nothing wrong. Papa and the whole family have been banned from temple as well. Fortunately, we know all our prayers and can read scriptures to one another for moral support. But it's so hard!

Mama has finished my wedding dress and Papa has talked with his cousin the Rabbi who will come one evening and marry us privately. He lives a long way away, so it will take time for him to get here but at least we can be official. I was worried the other day that Joseph might back out of the engagement, but he has been so supportive, despite it all. I am really grateful for him, Auntie. He was awfully shy and reticent when we first met, and when this situation came about, I thought he would dump me fast. Instead, he has been tender to me and strong in the face of these challenges that just keep coming. He is making arrangements for our trip to Bethlehem and has kindly included me in all his preparations. 

It has gotten harder to walk lately and a challenge to get up after sitting. I watched you and thought it was because of your age. Sorry! It is so real and weird at the same time. I am getting so big I hardly recognize myself! Pray for us!

love,

Mary

Mary Letter Day Nine

O Lord, I call to you; my Rock, do not be deaf to my cry; lest, if you do not hear me, I become like those who go down to the Pit. 

Hear the voice of my prayer when I cry out to you, when I lift up my hands to your holy of holies.

Do not snatch me away with the wicked or with the evildoers, who speak peaceably with their neighbors, while strife is in their hearts.

Repay them according to their deeds, and according to the wickedness of their actions.

According to the work of their hands repay them and give them their just deserts. 

They have no understanding of the Lord's doings, nor of the works of his hands; therefore he will break them down and not build them up. 

Blessed is the Lord! for he has heard the voice of my prayer.

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I have been helped; 

Therefore my heart dances for joy, and in my song will I praise him. 

The Lord is the strength of his people, a safe refuge for his anointed. 

Save your people and bless your inheritance; shepherd them and carry them forever. Psalm 28

Dear Auntie,

I am so happy for you and Uncle!! You have a baby boy, and everyone is healthy! Even Zechariah is finally able to talk again. I understand how he felt when the Lord told him that he would be a father in his old age. The Lord's miracles and timing are hard to grasp, let alone understand. I will never understand why I was chosen, young and unmarried! And I have learned that hardships and confusion follow when you say yes to the Lord. I am so glad for you both and looking forward to meeting little John someday soon. 

Things have gotten even more complicated than I could have expected. Joseph just received word that he would have to go to Bethlehem to pay the tax that Caesar had imposed upon our people. Each has to go to their city of origin, and cannot pay it here, despite the fact that he has been here for a long time. We had heard of the decree, but these details were only told to us recently. So, on top of everything else, we have a journey ahead of us. This means the wedding will have to be sooner and I will have to travel in this condition. Our hope is surely to have the baby here at home, so the plans will have to be made soon.

As soon as this piece of information was shared, Mama started sewing and cooking like she was possessed. Joseph felt so bad, he had tears in his eyes when he shared this news. We sat outside in the evening for a long time. He told me this is not the way he wanted to start our lives together. His kindness broke my heart. This is all the Lord's doing, and we are caught up in something bigger than ourselves, yet neither of us really know how to manage it all. We sat for a long time, looking at the stars, wondering what is in store for us.

Elizabeth, I often sing the song of Miriam that you taught me. It helps to calm my heart and soul. I will write again soon. Please, pray for us.

love,

Mary

Mary Letter Day Eight

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul; my God, I put my trust in you; let me not be humiliated, nor let my enemies triumph over me.

Let none who look to you be put to shame; let the treacherous be disappointed in their schemes.

Show me your ways, O Lord, and teach me your paths. 

Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; in you have I trusted all the day long. 

Remember, O Lord, your compassion and love, for they are from everlasting. 

Remember not the sins of my youth and my transgressions; remember me according to your love and for the sake of your goodness, O Lord. 

Gracious and upright is the Lord; therefore he teaches sinners in his way. 

He guides the humble in doing right and teaches his way to the lowly.

All the paths of the Lord are love and faithfulness to those who keep his covenant and his testimonies. Psalm 25

Dear Aunt Elizabeth,

The last few days have been very challenging. I told you how some of the elders from temple came and gave Papa a hard time. Well, things are getting worse! Mama and I were out in our town market buying some vegetables and grain when we were approached by a group of girls I have known all my life. We thought at first by their smiles and waves it was a friendly visit. But it was not. The got between me and Mama and taunted me, calling me horrible names. Mama was busy with her purchase, but when she turned around, she was shocked to hear what was going on. The tears ran down my face, and I couldn't get a word out. Mama lit into them with a fury I had never seen before! Mama put her arms around me and told me we were going home that instant. She was so angry saying, "I taught some of those girls, and you studied the scriptures with them. How dare they!" She sent me in the door with our shopping and stormed out to talk with the girls' mothers. I told her she didn't have to do that, but she went anyway.

Oh Auntie, being faithful is so very hard. I said yes to the Lord's plan for me, but I couldn't have anticipated the negative consequences. I was devastated and threw myself down on the bed and had a good cry. Eventually, I got up and washed my face and made a meal for Mama and Papa. Around the table at supper, it was decided that I would stay in the house away from people in the daylight. I can go into our garden and feed the animals, but town is now off-limits. I feel a bit like I'm a prisoner and yet, I cannot go through that again. Nor can Mama! She was so exhausted and hurt when she returned that I was glad I had prepared the food. She sat for a long time and didn't say anything.

I'm writing by a candle in my room. Joseph arrived a while ago, and we talked for a time. Now he is in with Papa sorting things out and having a serious discussion. I know they want to protect me and they do care for me. I just feel like a small child without any say in my life. I am praying for you as I figure your time is at hand! pray for me as well.

love,

Mary

Advent Two Sunday - Mary Letter Day Seven

A shoot shall come out from the stump of Jesse, and a branch shall grow out of his roots. The spirit of the Lord shall rest on him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord. His delight shall be in the fear of the Lord. He shall not judge by what his eyes see, or decide by what his ears hear; but with righteousness he shall judge the poor, and decide with equity for the meek of the earth; he shall strike the earth with the rod of his mouth, and with the breath of his lips he shall kill the wicked. Righteousness shall be the belt around his waist, and faithfulness the belt around his loins. The wolf shall live with the lamb, the leopard shall lie down with the kid, the calf and the lion and the fatling together, and a little child shall lead them. The cow and the bear shall graze, their young shall lie down together; and the lion shall eat straw like the ox. The nursing child shall play over the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put its hand on the adder's den. They will not hurt or destroy on all my holy mountain; for the earth will be full of the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea. On that day the root of Jesse shall stand as a signal to the peoples; the nations shall inquire of him, and his dwelling shall be glorious. Isaiah 11:1-10

Dear Auntie, 

It's been hard being back home. I miss our quiet days together and miss your total and gentle support. Oh, it's not that Mama, Papa and Joseph don't support me, but they are so anxious and there is too much arguing around here. I guess since Zechariah is mute, your house is much quieter than ours, but I wish sometimes the men would be quieter here. Mama is very quiet these days as her hands are always full of work and her mind is full of worry. She is troubled because she is so faithful and she doesn't understand why the Lord would put such a great burden on such a young woman and her family. I get it and there seems to be nothing I can say to calm her mind and heart.

There have been some troubles here at home with our neighbors and temple members. Several men representing the temple were outside the other night calling me out. Papa went out and confronted them. They said I should be stoned since I was a harlot. Can you believe it? I have been so good and faithful, but they don't care. He finally made them go away but I'm sure they'll be back. Ugh. Oh, I could tell them stories of their own daughters' misbehaviors! Papa said we cannot return bad behavior with more bad behavior. I know that but really, if only they knew what their children were up to when they looked away. I'm sure they came because someone saw me now that I am showing. I'm so annoyed, doing the right thing always seems to get me in trouble!

Auntie, I dreamed again of an angel telling me that the child is good news and the Savior of the world. It made me feel better for a time. I know I'm doing the right thing, but the world hates me right now! Please pray for me.

love,

Mary

Mary Letter Day Six

Hear my plea of innocence, O Lord; give heed to my cry; listen to my prayer, which does not come from lying lips.

Let my vindication come forth from your presence; let your eyes be fixed on justice. 

Weigh my heart, summon me by night, melt me down; you will find no impurity in me. 

I give no offense with my mouth as others do; I have heeded the words of your lips. 

My footsteps hold fast to the ways of your law; in your paths my feet shall not stumble. 

I call upon you, O God, for you will answer me; incline your ear to me and hear my words. 

Show me your marvelous loving-kindness, O Savior of those who take refuge at your right hand from those who rise up against them. 

Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me under the shadow of your wings,

From the wicked who assault me, from my deadly enemies who surround me. Psalm 17:1-9

Dear Auntie,

I am safely back at home. Thank you so much for our time together. I feel like being with you has given me the confidence to go on faithfully, no matter what happens. Praying and singing with you was so wonderful and it filled me full of such hope. I only pray I can remain positive and grateful in the coming days. Thank you again for the wonderful dresses that will help cover mt expanding waistline! It was so much fun to sew with you!

The ride home was a challenge since the rain was coming down hard, making the road slippery and slow going. My cousin Jonah let out some curse words as the cart slipped side to side. He immediately apologized and asked me not to tell on him. Silly boy! He was only trying to help keep me safe.  We finally got out and walked the last mile or so since it was rough going for the mule. Because of the road, we got home much later than we wanted, and Papa was standing outside the house, looking for us with a lantern. I thought he was mad but when he threw his arms around me, I knew it was great worry and fear. 

Joseph showed up a bit after we arrived and had dinner with us. Seems that while I was away, the men were making plans for when and how we would get married. I guess I have nothing to say about it. I do appreciate how careful and concerned they are for me. After supper, Mama took me aside and showed me the wedding gown she was sewing for me. We both had a good cry, way from the men. I'm must say, I was a little overwhelmed by their concern, motivated by fear for my safety. Oh well, I will keep praying and singing the psalms daily as you taught me. More later, as I am very tired now from such a full day.

Love,

Mary

Mary Letter Day Five

Open for me the gates of righteousness; 

I will enter them; I will offer thanks to the Lord. 

"This is the gate of the Lord; 

he who is righteous may enter." 

 I will give thanks to you, for you answered me

 and have become my salvation. 

 The same stone which the builders rejected 

has become the chief cornerstone. 

 This is the Lord's doing, and it is marvelous in our eyes. 

 On this day the Lord has acted; we will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:19-24

Dear Mama,

I am doing well here with Aunt Elizabeth and Uncle Zechariah. The weather has been beautiful and relatively cool, here in the mountains. Their home is so nicely situated at the base of the hill and next to the river. I had forgotten how restful it is here. It is very odd that Uncle Zechariah cannot speak at all. I know elders grow deaf sometimes, but I never expected one would go mute. Auntie told me the story about his encounter with an angel who told him about our child, and how Zechariah doubted the angel and was made mute. He kept jumping in while she was telling the story, correcting the details with gestures and sometimes writing. They seem very happy and excited about the baby, yet privately I am concerned. They are so old!

Mama, Auntie is quite big with this child, but she continues with her chores with great gusto. She is such a delight to be around as she sings hymns all the time and stops to pray often. They read the scriptures together at the end of each meal and have me participating too. Her faith and life have really given me courage, as did my conversation with Joseph on our trip here. He told me he too had a dream and was told my "situation" was the work of the Lord! I think we both shed some tears then, when we realized we were called to be responsible for this holy child. We didn't make any decisions yet but he promised we would be married and he would care for us both. Mama, I am so grateful for him.

I know I have made your lives miserable from time to time and the child within is making things worse. If I could make it easier for you and Papa, I surely would. I will be home before long, and we can talk and pray things through. Give my love to Papa, please, and don't worry, at least, not too much.

love,

Mary

Mary Letter Day Four

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not be in want. 

 He makes me lie down in green pastures and leads me beside still waters. 

 He revives my soul and guides me along right pathways for his Name's sake. 

 Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil; 

for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 

You spread a table before me in the presence of those who trouble me; 

you have anointed my head with oil, and my cup is running over. 

Surely your goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23

Dear Auntie,

I am so excited to see you! It will be wonderful to be with another woman growing a child for the first time. And, it will be great to be away from home for a time. My parents are worried and fretting all the time about my health and my future. Even though the wise woman told them that I was very healthy, and the baby was well and strong, they still are upset when they look at me. Over these last days, I have come to realize who close the Lord is to me and to us. Fretting and fear get in the way of knowing thar. I am working hard to put fear aside and trust Yahweh completely. What else can I do, really?

The exam by the wise woman was awkward and embarrassing.  Fortunately, Mama stayed in the room with me, holding my hand and comforting me. It wasn't painful really, just so uncomfortable. The exam did make one thing very clear - I indeed had never been with a man. My parents were relieved by that news but still are anxious for my future. I am too, Elizabeth, but I have to trust the Lord. It is difficult when my own folks are trembling with anxiety. I know they love me completely. I will be glad to be away from this fear that has seemed to take over our home.

I am hoping that Joseph can accompany my cousin Jonah who is driving me in our cart to your house. We have a good deal to talk about out of the earshot of my parents. He has been very kind and has gotten over his initial anger at the situation "I put everyone in." He seems to have softened, and I hope to find out why. Well, we're off in the morning, so I will get this letter off to you.

Much love,

Mary

Mary Letter Day Three

Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger; do not punish me in your wrath.

Have pity on me, Lord, for I am weak; heal me, Lord, for my bones are racked. 

My spirit shakes with terror; how long, O Lord, how long? 

Turn, O Lord, and deliver me; save me for your mercy's sake. 

For in death no one remembers you; and who will give you thanks in the grave? 

I grow weary because of my groaning; every night I drench my bed and flood my couch with tears. 

My eyes are wasted with grief and worn away because of all my enemies. 

Depart from me, all evildoers, for the Lord has heard the sound of my weeping. 

The Lord has heard my supplication; the Lord accepts my prayer. 

All my enemies shall be confounded and quake with fear; they shall turn back and suddenly be put to shame. Psalm 6

Dear Elizabeth,

I hope you don't think I'm crazy, but I had a dream or vision last night that shocked me to the core. I don't really know how to handle it. I just have to tell you about it. I awoke to see an angel, bright with warm light, who told me the child within me is holy, planted there by the living God. I was told I am carrying the Messiah of the world! It was so real, I felt faint and began to weep. He told me not to be afraid, for I am favored of the Lord. I said I am a handmaid of the Lord and would do as I am called to do. It was extraordinarily real and overwhelming too.

I told Mama and Papa about it at breakfast, and they looked at me with deep worry and said very little. They are planning to send me to visit you in the next day or so. Mama wants me examined before I go by the wise woman who lives next door. She is kind and a good friend, not given to gossip. I think they are sending me to you to get my troubles out of the way for a bit. I know they are planning to negotiate with Joseph about putting me aside. They believed Joseph when he told them he was not responsible. Joseph was very kind despite the situation. The engagement may be off and I will be on my own! I'm scared.

Auntie, I really look forward to being with you and learning from you. You always make me feel welcomed and at home with you. Please pray for me as it is very hard these days.

Love,

Mary

Mary Letter Day Two

Happy are they who have not walked in the counsel of the wicked, nor lingered in the way of sinners, nor sat in the seats of the scornful!

 Their delight is in the law of the Lord, and they meditate on his law, day and night. 

They are like trees planted by streams of water, bearing fruit in due season, with leaves that do not wither; everything they do shall prosper. 

It is not so with the wicked; they are like chaff which the wind blows away. 

Therefore, the wicked shall not stand upright when judgment comes, nor the sinner in the council of the righteous. 

For the Lord knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked is doomed. Psalm 1

Dear Auntie,

Well, Mama started asking me many questions about my flow. She said she was concerned as it was not normal for a girl of my age to miss one or two. I finally had to tell her that it was true, no flow, and I was terrified by it. She was kind and said she would have a wise woman take a look at me. Mama looked at me funny but didn't say much more and we went on with our housework. I was hoping that would be the end of it but no!

Later on, Papa told me that we had to talk. He was finished working when he said it and was getting cleaned up for supper. Mama was quiet and I knew something was up. It was a silent supper, and I could eat next to nothing since I was such a wreck. Finally, Papa asked was it true that I had no flow and I started to cry. He got a bit angry with my tears. I couldn't stop crying. He finally screamed "what have you done?" When I could get words out, I told him nothing at all. I have not been with a man. I said,  "even if I wanted to, Jospeh only visited when you were both around." I might have yelled a little through my tears. I rushed off to my room and threw myself on the bed crying. I know it was childish, but I am so full of emotion, and I don't want them angry with me.

Later, Mama came and sat on my bed, stroking my hair. She said Papa is scared for me, that all, and they would figure things out and take care of me. Papa came in too, finally, and told me we would find a way. Auntie, I'm very scared. This is so hard and I don't know why this is happening. I'll write again soon.

Much love,

Mary