a stronghold in times of trouble.
And those who know your name put their trust in you,
for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.
Sing praises to the Lord, who sits enthroned in Zion!
Tell among the peoples his deeds!
For he who avenges blood is mindful of them;
he does not forget the cry of the afflicted.
Psalm 9:9-12
Oh Elizabeth,
last night a rock came sailing through my window. A note was wrapped around it and there was blood on the cloth that surrounded it. The dog leapt up, when he heard the commotion, barking and dancing to be set free to pursue the person. I wanted, more than anything to be done with this. Run away or give this child away. I want God to take this burden away. I never slept again last night. Saying yes to God comes with terrible consequences. At once I am so thrilled to be chosen and yet people are so incredibly cruel. They think me selfish or stupid. I have ruined my family, shamed them beyond imagining. People say horrible things, especially the women. Momma tries to be positive but I can tell it hurts her. Sometimes I see her crying as she cooks supper. I never know what to do. She taught me to be obedient and to say yes to God. None of us knew the consequences we would have to live with.
I finally found myself reciting the words of king David, the old psalms we were taught as children. It helped me to be calm and to not let anger and hate eat away at me. Speaking of eating, I am hungry all the time! But when I eat, the baby starts jumping around! My belly is so swollen that it seems impossible that anything more can fit.
Momma says you are close to your time. I will pray for you. May there be good women to surround you as you deliver!
much love
Mary
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