O my God, in you I trust;
do not let me be put to shame;
do not let my enemies exult over me.
Do not let those who wait for you be put to shame;
let them be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.
Make me to know your ways, O Lord;
teach me your paths.
Lead me in your truth, and teach me,
for you are the God of my salvation;
for you I wait all day long.
Be mindful of your mercy, O Lord, and of your steadfast love,
for they have been from of old.
Do not remember the sins of my youth or my transgressions;
according to your steadfast love remember me,
for your goodness’ sake, O Lord!
Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in the way.
He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way.
All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his decrees.
For your name’s sake, O Lord, pardon my guilt, for it is great.
Who are they that fear the Lord? He will teach them the way that they should choose.
They will abide in prosperity, and their children shall possess the land.
The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes his covenant known to them.
My eyes are ever towards the Lord, for he will pluck my feet out of the net.
Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.
Relieve the troubles of my heart, and bring me out of my distress.
Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins.
Consider how many are my foes, and with what violent hatred they hate me.
O guard my life, and deliver me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for you.
Redeem Israel, O God, out of all its troubles. Psalm 25
Dear Auntie,
I feel like a prisoner these days. At breakfast, Papa told me that he and Joseph had decided that I should stay inside until we travel. I know they are afraid for my safety but this is almost unbearable!
The joy of just being in the garden, hanging out the laundry, with the sun on my face and the wind in my hair has been taken away. They do not understand that in this cramped, although familiar place, I feel more guilty and in trouble. It feels as if I have not something wrong, rather than being the vessel of the Lord's love for the world. Why do the men always make the worst decisions when it comes to their women?
Mama sat with me this morning after the announcement and Papa had gone off. She said when she was with child, in her day, they never let you leave the house at all! How misguided and old fashion is that? I just want a little sun and a little breeze to cool me since I feel hot and sweaty a good deal of the time. And this little one is so active, kicking and moving as soon as I try to rest!
Mama was helpful though, really. She help me recite the psalms and prayer that I learned as a child. She had taught me to read, ever so quietly as to not upset the elders, and has given a few small scrolls of the teachings to take with me. I wish I could take Mama with me, more than anything. At least she understands all of this, unlike the men in my life.
Well, I best go. We are making bread that will last for days on our trip, and drying fruit for the journey. I wish I could do all the cooking outside but am trying to be faithful and obedient. Some days it is so hard.
Much love,
Mary
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