Bitter Weeping

Then Jesus said to the chief priests, the officers of the temple police, and the elders who had come for him, “Have you come out with swords and clubs as if I were a bandit? When I was with you day after day in the temple, you did not lay hands on me. But this is your hour, and the power of darkness!”

Then they seized him and led him away, bringing him into the high priest’s house. But Peter was following at a distance. When they had kindled a fire in the middle of the courtyard and sat down together, Peter sat among them. Then a servant-girl, seeing him in the firelight, stared at him and said, “This man also was with him.” But he denied it, saying, “Woman, I do not know him.” A little later someone else, on seeing him, said, “You also are one of them.” But Peter said, “Man, I am not!” Then about an hour later still another kept insisting, “Surely this man also was with him; for he is a Galilean.” But Peter said, “Man, I do not know what you are talking about!” At that moment, while he was still speaking, the cock crowed. The Lord turned and looked at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said to him, “Before the cock crows today, you will deny me three times.” And he went out and wept bitterly. Luke 22:52-62 

We don't like to be found out, nor to disappoint or betray the ones we love. But we do. In moments of panic and stress, when our fight or flight response is in full bloom, we will do anything to survive. We also know immediately that we are wrong and it breaks our heart. Our shame is painful and hard to live with. Being frail humans often means  being on the wrong side, choosing self preservation over our friends, and living to regret our behaviors.

In this story from the Gospel, all eyes are on Peter. He must have told this story on himself, since he was trying to hide from the law and from everyone. His fear and terror stole his heart, his self-preservation took his faith. He is symbolic of us all. Yet, we know, there is more to the story. His betrayal and fears were forgiven. His humanity was understood and held tenderly by God's love. And ours is as well.

Today, I ask God to help me accept my very frail and broken humanity, always forgiving, and always embracing my need for the Divine. May we forgive one another all our faults so that we may share a measure of God's love.