Confusion

About the middle of the feast Jesus went up into the temple and began teaching. The Jews therefore marveled, saying, “How is it that this man has learning, when he has never studied?” So Jesus answered them, “My teaching is not mine, but his who sent me. If anyone's will is to do God's will, he will know whether the teaching is from God or whether I am speaking on my own authority. The one who speaks on his own authority seeks his own glory; but the one who seeks the glory of him who sent him is true, and in him there is no falsehood. Has not Moses given you the law? Yet none of you keeps the law. Why do you seek to kill me?” The crowd answered, “You have a demon! Who is seeking to kill you?” Jesus answered them, “I did one work, and you all marvel at it. Moses gave you circumcision (not that it is from Moses, but from the fathers), and you circumcise a man on the Sabbath. If on the Sabbath a man receives circumcision, so that the law of Moses may not be broken, are you angry with me because on the Sabbath I made a man's whole body well? Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.”
Some of the people of Jerusalem therefore said, “Is not this the man whom they seek to kill? And here he is, speaking openly, and they say nothing to him! Can it be that the authorities really know that this is the Christ? But we know where this man comes from, and when the Christ appears, no one will know where he comes from.” So Jesus proclaimed, as he taught in the temple, “You know me, and you know where I come from. But I have not come of my own accord. He who sent me is true, and him you do not know. I know him, for I come from him, and he sent me.” So they were seeking to arrest him, but no one laid a hand on him, because his hour had not yet come. Yet many of the people believed in him. They said, “When the Christ appears, will he do more signs than this man has done?”
The Pharisees heard the crowd muttering these things about him, and the chief priests and Pharisees sent officers to arrest him. Jesus then said, “I will be with you a little longer, and then I am going to him who sent me. You will seek me and you will not find me. Where I am you cannot come.” The Jews said to one another, “Where does this man intend to go that we will not find him? Does he intend to go to the Dispersion among the Greeks and teach the Greeks? What does he mean by saying, ‘You will seek me and you will not find me,’ and, ‘Where I am you cannot come’?” John 7:14-36

Confusion

These dense clouds won't lift
having tried all day to push them away
I strained and twisted
pushed, shoved and prodded
the fog of confusion is here to stay.

Light refracted through dense water
we float on the surface which looks the same
grey and green rolling waves
we are moving forward and back
the deep ocean of misunderstanding surrounds us.

Time at a standstill and endlessly repeating
sitting on a station bench
no announcements and no train arrives
we are caught waiting for the outbound ride.

In a noisy ring of canvas and sweat
my gloves aim at an unknown opponent
dancing and reaching onto thin air
anger and confusion outlasts every bout.

On our knees in the soft forgiving sand
stars calm above while the ocean roars
I beg forgiveness direction and understanding
and listen to the gulls screaming overhead.

Waiting is the holy invitation
the whisper of God for us to dwell
a beckoning to silent observation
expecting heaven's light
to break through our pained and twisted hearts.