Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Advent 2 - Mary letter 10

Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger,
   or discipline me in your wrath.
For your arrows have sunk into me,
   and your hand has come down on me.

There is no soundness in my flesh
   because of your indignation;
there is no health in my bones
   because of my sin.
For my iniquities have gone over my head;
   they weigh like a burden too heavy for me.

My wounds grow foul and fester
   because of my foolishness;
I am utterly bowed down and prostrate;
   all day long I go around mourning.
For my loins are filled with burning,
   and there is no soundness in my flesh.
I am utterly spent and crushed;
   I groan because of the tumult of my heart.

O Lord, all my longing is known to you; my sighing is not hidden from you.
My heart throbs, my strength fails me; as for the light of my eyes—it also has gone from me.
My friends and companions stand aloof from my affliction, and my neighbors stand far off.

Those who seek my life lay their snares; those who seek to hurt me speak of ruin,
   and meditate treachery all day long. But I am like the deaf, I do not hear; like the mute,

 who cannot speak. Truly, I am like one who does not hear, and in whose mouth is no retort.

But it is for you, O Lord, that I wait; it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer.
For I pray, ‘Only do not let them rejoice over me, those who boast against me when my foot slips.’

For I am ready to fall, and my pain is ever with me. I confess my iniquity; I am sorry for my sin. Those who are my foes without cause are mighty, and many are those who hate me wrongfully.
Those who render me evil for good are my adversaries because I follow after good.

Do not forsake me, O Lord; O my God, do not be far from me; make haste to help me,
   O Lord, my salvation.Psalm 38

Dear Aunt Mary,

We start on on travels tomorrow and I have little time to write but I feel I must. I am so scared! I guess I have never traveled this far and never without Mama and Papa! I thought I could handle all of this but I am about to scream like a little girl. What is wrong with me?

We will leave tonight after dark so that our exit from the town is not seen. I feel like a dirty thief sneaking off into the night, hoping no one will see us. I stood in the back doorway this afternoon, careful not to go outside, looking over the home I have always known. I ache for the comfort of these surroundings and realize that it will be awhile before I see this place again. I am trying to keep calm for everyone's sake, but it is so hard.

We will walk a few hours after dark and then rest for the night with some distant relatives of Joseph. Papa has made arrangements for us all along the way, and had given us a map so we don't have to go on the busy roads. He wants to protect us, and I know they would come with us if they could. And I know we are doing all of this for God, but it seems as if the Divine is silent in the face of so many challenges. I hope to write everyday, but Mama also wants to hear from me, so it may be every few days that you hear from me. Don't stop praying please, as we need your prayers more than ever!

love always,


No comments: