Doubting

A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you." Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe." Thomas answered him, "My Lord and my God!" John 20:26-28

They call him "Doubting Thomas". It's a bad rap for a man that was just honest about his heart. The other disciples didn't believe the women and call them crazy. They only believed when they encountered the living Christ, when they were face to face with God's love incarnate and real in their presence. I would like to rename him, Honest Thomas, a man not afraid to admit to his confusion and frustration. He laid it all out there. And Jesus came to him in his darkest despair and offer his hands and his side. He touched Thomas and Thomas found the courage to believe. And it does take courage to have faith, no matter what your tradition. And it does take courage to admit to doubts and confusion. It is human and normal but we tend to hide behind bravado and artifice. We put on a good show for others and privately we cower in fear and doubt. Jesus came to that dark, cowering place for Thomas. And promises to come to our darkest, cowering places as well.

Today, I want to live with an honest faith. A faith that has glorious and dark moments alike, a life that is honest and open before God and others. And I want to live knowing God will seek me out in my dimmest, darkest questioning place, and bring the light of God's love in new and surprising ways. May we all trust God enough with our doubts to lay them before the Creator, trusting that God will find a way to show us love undying, love which invites us to touch and know the divine.