Thursday, May 8, 2008

A View From the Back of the Ferry

It's raining today. I often think about all the rainy, rocky trips I have taken across the Delaware Bay, riding the ferry, either going or leaving home. On a beautiful day during the summer, tourists will oooh and ahhh - but for those of us who use it as transportation, for commuting and the like, it is no more or less an indication of our state of being.

It's raining today and the back of the ferry is loud with the churning motors and the insistent seagulls. They hope the churning turns up a meal or two. They have nothing of their own, just what they can scavenge while others are coming and going. I am not on the ferry right now, but I feel like I am today. Being carried from one side to the other, not sure if I am leaving or coming home, not sure which shore is safe anymore. There are ruins from my past on both shores. The Church is no longer a safe harbor. I am setting out on a journey and I do not know if I am coming or going. Only Gods know.

What I do know is that it's raining today. A good day to stay indoors and let the rain run down the window panes while I sort through the mess on my desk. As I wade through the clutter and find my way to the next steps, I will keep in mind those noisy gulls. They have nothing but what is churned up and left behind. I am responsible for what I leave behind. In this time of moving on out of my comfort zone, to a new adventure I don't know where, I am reminded to go carefully. There are others following behind. They need what is churned up, they need direction too. I will keep looking out over the stern, not to see where I have been but to stay connected with my fellow travelers, those who are journeying too, and hoping for God's blessing - hoping for even enough to get through the day.

So, it's raining today. God is watering, growing us, hiding us in the shadow of his wings for a season, for a time. As we watch the water behind us, may we take shelter in the knowledge of the one who provides the water, and the nourishment, and the way forward. I do not know where God is leading me. I only know that it is raining today, and that this rain will water deep roots. Deep roots that will be the sturdy base, the support, the summers food and strength. From the back of the ferry, on this new journey, may we remember that when the boat docks, she will turn around, and those who were last will be first, and the stern will be the bow, and a new day is dawning.

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