Mary Letter, Day Ten

1 O Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger; *

 do not punish me in your wrath. 

 2 For your arrows have already pierced me, * 

and your hand presses hard upon me. 

 3 There is no health in my flesh, 

because of your indignation; * 

there is no soundness in my body, 

because of my sin. 

 4 For my iniquities overwhelm me; * 

like a heavy burden they are 

too much for me to bear. 

 5 My wounds stink and fester * 

by reason of my foolishness. 

 6 I am utterly bowed 

down and prostrate; * 

I go about in mourning 

all the day long. 

15 For in you, O Lord, 

have I fixed my hope; * 

you will answer me, O Lord my God. 

 16 For I said, "Do not let them rejoice at my expense, * 

those who gloat over me when my foot slips."

 17 Truly, I am on the verge of falling, * 

and my pain is always with me. 

 18 I will confess my iniquity * 

and be sorry for my sin. 

 19 Those who are my enemies without cause are mighty, * 

and many in number are those who wrongfully hate me. 

 20 Those who repay evil for good slander me, * 

because I follow the course that is right. 

 21 O Lord, do not forsake me; * 

be not far from me, O my God. 

 22 Make haste to help me, * 

O Lord of my salvation. Psalm 38:1-6;15-22

Dear Auntie,

Echoing the words of King David, "I am on the verge of failing, my pain is always with me." The past few days have really tested my faith and I am weary of the tears and the confusion. I feel excluded from my own life.  Papa and Joseph have been busy mapping out our travels. They are so worried that someone will try to hurt us on the road that they have come up with a plan for us to travel at night and stay with distant family during the day. That will take so much longer, and all's I want to do is be back home with Mama for the birth. They are not listening to me at all!

Mama had the wise women her to inspect me and the baby. Oh my goodness! They made me strip down and they look over every inch of me, including my very private places. I was so red with embarrassment! I can't believe you had to go through all of this too! They really were very kind and helpful. They taught me which oils to use on my skin and how to strengthen my birthing muscles. Yikes, they left nothing out and there was a good deal of laughing from them. They found me so innocent and naive and were truly shocked that I seem to be a virgin. What did they expect? I guess no one actually believes my story of God's invitation to carry this child for the sake of the world. They think I'm delusional. It hurts to see the looks people give me. Even these kind women thought I was crazy.

We will soon be packing and getting underway to Bethlehem. Joseph has arranged to borrow a donkey from a friend of his family. He says I'm "too big and unwieldy" to walk the whole way. He's right but that too hurts me. I eel like a big problem and a big mess. I pray the Lord will give me the strength to endure all these hurts and struggles. Pray for me, please.

Much love,

Mary